Sunday Morning Blues

It's Sunday morning. And for once I am not working this morning. Normally that would be a good thing. But today... well it's not. I watched "Valentine's Day" (the movie) last night. The movie was cute. It was in the same stem as "He's Just Not That Into You," (HJNTIY) but I feel like it failed to achieve the same cohesiveness as HJNTIY but it still managed to have some affect on me. You know it reminded me how single I am.

Now I am not badmouthing being single. I think there is a benefit to it, and that everyone who is single should embrace it. There is a strength to be had by being alone. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Even knowing all this, I couldn't help just thinkg WTF am I doing? I mean seriously.

Also, saw a trailer for "Sex and the City 2 The Movie" and it made me really, really, really sad. These women were cultural icons in the late 90's-early 2000's. And now they are just old, and its kind of just sad. Also, I'm still a little bitter that they ended the "Sex and the City" series with all the women happily coupled. It was a cheap cop out. I know there is a need for people to have a neat, happy ending, but who says that life is only a happy ending if we end up with someone. I'm being a Bitter Betty today. Stupid Sundays. haha.

Alright going to lay in bed and read, and NOT think about being single, shy, gay dude.

The Versace Man

So I've been kinda feeling the older men's lately. Something about a little salt and pepper that really revs my engines. With my new sense of dating adventure, I decided to give this guy a shot. Now he is 38. Which isn't too bad. I am 26. There is a big age gap, but still do-able. Anyway, we emailed back and forth. And then we text back and fro. And then we talked on the phone for a while. Had decent convo on the phone, he really made me laugh, made me feel at ease. I think we both enjoyed each other on the phone.. so then we finally decided to meet up.

I am by no means a big dater. So I had a glass of wine before leaving to loosen up. We were meeting at a restaurant bar for some drinks. Now I'm going to list the pros and cons:

I'll start with cons:
1. He talked a lot about money. Normally this isn't too bad to talk about ( We are adults), but he went on and on. He talked about 200 shoes, and 200 blankets and 200 sweaters and only buying nice stuff.

Now this normally isn't a bad thing, but it's kind of intimidating for the first date.

2. He dissed my shoes. I had a nice pair of loafers on.. and he 'jokingly' said they were so last year.

3. He kept insulting the people around us. Albeit to just me, but it was weird.

4. He kept asking me to share more about myself.. but then he wouldn't ask me any questions. Kinda hard to have a convo when your the only asking questions.

5. He mentioned how picky he was, and that he didn't like kids. (I love and want kids.. aka dealbreaker). haha.

6. He text a few times while we were at the table. HUUUUGE no no.

7. He was shorter than he said he was. He was way shorter than I thought he'd be. It could've just been me, but yeah..

Ok Pros.. there were some pros:

1. He was really funny and outgoing which immediately put me at ease. He was gregarious so it made it easy to chat.

2. He was sooo cute, and had an amazing body. I was very physically atuned to him. yum. yum. yum.

3. He seemed really sweet and a little self-conscious. Which made him very approachable.

4. He is in a great place in his life, he owns his own house, he has a great career, and knows what he wants to do.

5. He exercises regularly, which means he is healthy and has a beautiful body!!

So the date wasn't horrible. He cleared off my car (it was snowing). He went in for the kiss, but didn't go all the way in. I guess I was supposed to reciprocate and I didn't. I wasn't sure how I was feeling and I had beer breath. lol. We text that night, and he told me how cute I was and how badly he wanted to kiss me. I told him I thought he was super cute.

The next day we kinda text one another. But nothing really since.

I should say, that the date wasn't a 'ball outta the park.' I would say yes if he asked me out again, but I def would not pursue him any further. So back to the drawing board...

Welcome back... Cruella!

So today was a tough day for me at work. In my fun retail job, I work as part of the hourly management team (Hourly management is a way of under paying and over working people...). Anyway, I took a few days off to feel a bit more revitalized and get through the next few week. I came back and was slightly disappointed to see that things had not changed.

So one of the women that I work with just about everyday, I worked with today. I am her superior, and my job is a little high stress especially when it's busy. This woman, seems to just have it together, she's positive, school, work, kid, and she's super young. I thought we had developed a bond, and that we worked well together.

So I sent her on a break. And I could feel that she was annoyed, but I wasn't sure why. So when she came back from her break, I asked her point blank, face to face if she was upset about something. She said no. I asked if she was sure because it seemed like something was bothering her. She said no. So I moved on with the day. So just before my break, I just notice that she is giving me such major attitude. So I turned to one of my peers and just told her that I couldn't deal with her snapping at me much more.

Well, let me tell you things went to hell from there. I am sitting in the back room and the woman who was upset, comes in the back and starts crying and yelling about me nit-picking and the other supervisor blowing things out of proportion. So she starts venting, and I was just like whoa whoa whoaaa, I didn't mean to nit-pick. The conversation didn't go anywhere because she wasn't willing to really talk about it.

Let me just say, I think that this girl while she may have it together, is immature and overly dramatic. She should have just come to me, I thought we definitely had a friendship. I was obviously wrong.

Now this is not the first time that something similar to this has happened to me at work before. I get that I have a very direct way of communicating. And that I can be seen as 'controlling' when I am working. Some of it is that I just want things to run smoothly and when I see someone making a mistake I want to help them. I am also beginning to understand that while I think that I am being helpful, some people think that I am being controlling and nit-picking.

I fear that this little incident has definitely marred my friendship with this girl. And that we will not be close any longer. Now as for my responsibility in this, I realize that perception is reality. If she perceived me to be doing it, she couldn't perceive my intentions. I feel like no matter how great you try to be it will always rub someone the wrong way. It will always hurt someone's feelings or be taken the wrong way.

Why are we so complicated? And though I know this little incident shouldn't bother me, it does. It makes me wonder how I am portraying myself, how others see me, and if this is in fact the reason why I am single. Though I try to keep myself on the positive train, I feel like today I fell off.. I feel a little lost and kinda sad.

Anyone out there know what I am talking about? Advice?

The First One

No. I'm not talking about the first one, as in... you know.. sex. I'm talking about this. The First Blog. Because I have searched for blogs about this, and found none... I have decided to start this blog as a voice for me, and I'm sure there are some of you out there that feel my pain.

I am 26. I am single. I am gay. I am shy. And I am clueless.

I should start by talking about myself. I am a college grad, I graduated with a degree in Communications from a major university in New England. I also am stuck in a dead end retail job, that I can't seem to get out of. I work heinous hours, I'm talking I get up at 430a, and work on my feet all day. This recession has put a lot of obstacles in my life, the lack of opportunities for jobs, and the lack of creativity.

I should also explain that I am a weird combination of shy and extroverted. I have the facade of an extroverted person, I can carry a conversation, I love to be the center of attention.. not making a case for the shyness right. Well when it comes to dating I am painfully shy. I am deathly afraid of other men, and tend to act a little different towards men.

I am at a point in my life, where I am tired of my lack of dating extroversion. I feel like I've had opportunities to date and I have steered away from them in the past. Now I am ready to date, fully ready for the embarrassment and all that. But now I am finding there is a lack of gay men in my life. There are more obstacles, because of my heinous work schedule (and I work anywhere from Mon thru Sun), I tend to not want to go out on most weekends, and I don't have many close friends, because when they are free... I am working and vice versa.

These are all my excuses. And they are the reasons why I continue to be single. In the last year I have had a sort of self-awakening. I am trying to do things that I am uncomfortable with. In essence I am trying to not let my excuses keep me from my goal.

I should say, there is nothing wrong with being single, and I am not desperate to meet the man I am going to marry. But I'd like to have someone to enjoy time with. I am not interested in hookups, though I don't look down on them, and if they happen, well then they happen.

In this blog I will chronicle my social experiences, these include any significant event at work, any party/club/bar, and anything that falls somewhere in between.

I am also going to try anything possible to date... this includes online dating.. blind dates.

The most important rule, is that if I get asked out I will not say no. I will say yes to any real invitation on a date.

I will be in touch.. so stay tuned.

xxoo,

Me